Yoshi's Real Life Antics
by Eduardo Amador Amazonas
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a Yoshi who hated to start a story with "Once upon a time." So, he decided to make a parody out of the fanfic author's life a bit… (might add to it later. For now it's Complete.)
1. Thar goes the Sandwich!

**Thar goes the Sandwich!**

Yoshi had freshly landed on Toad Port from his summer home at Lavalava Island. He waves farewell to the tuna, er, whale, and heads over to visit his cousins Yellow Yoshi and Black Yoshi. "I can't wait to visit my cousins," thought Yoshi, "I haven't seen them ever since they moved over to Koopa Village. They'll love these melons I got for them."

As he passes through Toad town, the many aromas of the restaurants and bakeries began flirting with his nose. After he closes his eyes and takes in a deep whiff, he goes into the store and buys flour, Goomnut butter and Peach's Strawberry jam. He then dashes into Tayce T.'s Bakery and orders a fresh loaf of bread. The talented woman finished the loaf in a jiffy, and Yoshi happily leaves, resuming his walk to his cousins' home. Yoshi blankly stares into the sky as he begins drooling. "Some sandwiches made from fresh bread, and some of the tastiest spreads is just… mmmmm!"

After walk through Pleasant Path, he finally makes it the Koopa Village by noon. He is greeted by Koover and keeps pressing forward. He overhears some bob-ombs and Koopa Koot sharing some gossip, while sipping some Koopa tea under the village tree.

"Did you hear that the fuzzies are planning an ambush in the bushes so they can steal shells?"

"No, sonny. I didn't hear Ms. Frizzle painting an ambulance in the… Hey there, young yoshi. Can you do me a fav…?"

"Sorry, old man. I can't hear you now; I came to visit my cousins that moved over here. Maybe some other time."

"Why you little…"

Yoshi walked ahead a bit toward Kolorado's house. A sign at the door read: "My wife and I went to an archeo… vacation to Sarasara Land. Back in 2 weeks." "Great," Yoshi thought, "The volcanic vase Mario gave him was my mother's. Oh well."

He turns around to a newly built house in front of Kolorado's house, which had a resemblance of a half buried, yellow yoshi egg. In front were large, vibrant colored garden decorations and some Koopa leaf and blue berry bushes. He knocks at the door and is greeted by Yellow Yoshi, who say's in a valley girl accent, "Like, I haven't seen you in like, FOREVERRR!"

"Yellow, it's only been a year."

A gruff voice is heard from inside. "Yellow, just let him in already!"

They both come in and see Black Yoshi sitting in front of the television, watching the Mushroom Kingdom's ESPN while munching on peppers. Yellow Yoshi places her hands on her hips.

"Black, you're like so not valley. Like, we were totally born there!"

"Thanks for the news flash. Now shut up; I'm watching the game."

"Like, O-M-G, you're like soooo a jerk wad!" Yellow turns to Yoshi, whose right eye is slightly twitchy. He thinks, "These two haven't changed… at all."

Yellow squeals. "Yoshi, you're so sweet. You like, brought me something from Lavalava?"

"Um, yeah, I brought a couple of melons for you both. And some bread for sandwiches. Hey Black, care to join us?"

Black Yoshi turns of the set. "Fine. Can't say no to food."

As they all make their sandwiches, Yellow just keeps gulping down all the ones she makes. "Black, how can she be that skinny if she eats like a pig?"

"Don't ask me. I didn't write this."

Yoshi makes a four-slice sandwich, overflowing with extra goomnut butter. He takes a bite and immediately feels like on cloud 9. Black belches and says, "Well, that was good. Too bad Yoshi has the last one."

At that moment the door opens; Boshi is at the door. "Yo Black. Howzit? And you Yellow, sexy as ever."

"Thank you," answered Yellow, "Look, our cousin Yoshi is here."

Yoshi turns, and nearly chokes when he sees the famous bully. "Why are you here?"

"Came to see my girl…" Boshi starts sniffing. "Is that…goomnut butter?" He looks at Yoshi and sees he has the last sandwich. "Give it to me."

"NO!" exclaims Yoshi, and dashes out of the house. Boshi follows him outside, and furiously chases Yoshi for a taste of Goomnut butter. Yoshi tried hiding behind all of the decorations, but Boshi shoves them out of the way. With all the decorations upturned, Yoshi resorts to the bushes. Boshi, however, started to become rabid, being enticed by the smell of the Goomnut butter, and uprooted the bushes. The commotion between the two yoshis struck up a crowd in mere minutes.

Boshi cornered Yoshi into the wall, and maniacally licked his lips, for he was ready to taste his favorite spread. Yoshi somewhat froze in fear, and could not think rationally. He looks left, then right. Then, he…

He balls up the sandwich, and with all his might, threw it beyond the neighbor's house. Boshi's sight followed the skyward pastry, as he lifted his left arm, as if waving goodbye. His lower lip quivers as he wails, "MY SANDWICH!" Yoshi is panting deeply as he slides down the wall. He is picked up by the neck by Boshi and gulps. Boshi's eyes glow red in anger.

"That sandwich was MINE! But I'll share a sandwich with you… a knuckle sandwich!"

Yellow Yoshi and Black Yoshi watch from the window as Boshi is pummeling Yoshi. Yellow is eating her melon, as Black pours some chili powder on his.

"You know Yellow, Yoshi could have just stuffed his mouth with the sandwich. But, I guess watching a live, one-sided boxing match isn't too bad either, right?" Yellow looks at him and shrugs as she eats her melon.

_Right before Yoshi threw the sandwich…_

"Those yoshis are always causing a ruckus in our peacefull Koopa Village," thought Kooper, "I should have gone with Kolorado in his expedition to Sarasara Land. Guess it's the luck of the draw."

He is walking back to his house after collecting firewood. Right then, a mushy ball hit him in the face; he trips on his shoelace and falls into a bush.

"Oww, what was that?" he said, just as a fuzzy landed on his lap, sporting a malicious grin. Kooper is swarmed by many fuzzies, and yells in despair as they steal his blue shell. They all scram, and Kooper exits the bush, bruised. "I really should have gone," he says before passing out.

**End of Episode 1**


	2. A Prank gone Wrong…

**A Prank gone Wrong…**

"I hate P.E.!" declared Yoshi, "It's so boring." He sighs. "I better walk around, since there is nothing else to do."

Yoshi walked over to the ball rack to see if anything was left. It was empty. Many other yoshis and toads were already engaged in an activity, whether it was basketball, badminton, or just walking around the field, gossiping about random things. Yoshi looked up at the sunny and cloudless sky. "No use wishing for rain." He continues walking, and heads toward the football field.

He walks by the school's open air weight room that was next to the P.E. area. Some brawny doogans and sumo koopas were already lifting weights. "Hey Yoshi!" cried a doogan carrying a 50 pound dumbbell, "Your spaghetti arms could use some mass. Want to train with us?"

"Nah, I don't feel like it now. I might do some leg curls later, though."

"Suit yourself."

Yoshi finally reaches the football field, joining the group of female koopas and yoshis. The koopa jocks were playing flag football. "Why can't the coaches let us play rough?" complained a blue shelled koopa, "Playing like this sucks!" Yoshi sighs again, seeing that his boredom would not get satisfied there. Before leaving, he looked at the groupies and shook his head, knowing that they were ogling at the jocks in tights.

He was lost in his thoughts and had not noticed he reached the basketball courts. Boshi and his friends were playing against a goomba team. Yoshi was suddenly startled at the commotion he walked into; Boshi scored a slam dunk. After seeing the teams, he thought, "How can goombas play without arms?"

The game went on for about five minutes, but neither team was able to score. It became an intense battle of skill. Insanely fast dribbling from the goombas! A shot by the goombas rejected by Boshi's team! Stealing the ball! Passing the ball… out of bounds! The goombas missed the pass, so Boshi was to throw in the ball back into play. Suddenly, Yoshi's eyes shadowed out, and a malicious grin stretched across his face. "What if I play the jerk? I'll slap the ball out of his hands and run away! That way, the coaches will see me run, and I'll get credit for today."

As the goombas and Boshi's team were scrambling in the court, Boshi exclaimed, "Yo guys, don't let any doofus get the ball, aight?"

Yoshi snuck from behind, and flung a slap at the ball. Boshi noticed from the corner of his eye and moved the ball away from the hand's trajectory. "Yo, what are you trying to…?"

_**SLAP!**_

Everyone's eyes widened as they saw Yoshi accidentally slap Boshi's crotch. Yoshi sweat drops while Boshi drops the ball and tilts his head backwards. Boshi falls on his knees, and is quietly whimpering. Tears of pain and embarrassment flow. Yoshi is starting to back away slowly, and then hurriedly leaves behind a cloud of dust. Boshi utters in a girly voice, "Go get him, dudes." Boshi's team just looked at each other and shrugged; they started chasing after Yoshi.

The coaches were drinking coffee by the track field, purposely leaving their students alone. "These kids annoy me!" complained a koopa coach, "I could care less if they work out or not!"

"Tell me about it," replied a female yoshi coach, "Nothing interesting happens in class anyway. Every week is stretching, football, basketball, lifting weights, and then, the mile. How did I get stuck in such a loser job?" Three other coaches nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, a dust cloud was heading their way, followed by a bunch of hollering, getting louder and louder the closer it got. Then, Yoshi dashed passed the five coaches, screaming frantically; a mixed group of youths followed after him with golf clubs and tennis racquets. They kept running around the track. "I gotta record this!" exclaimed a birdo coach excitedly, as she took out a camera. "I'll show it to all the staff during lunch at the teacher's lounge."

"Hurry! Hurry!" yelled the female yoshi coach, "I want to show it to my friends from college. They'll laugh their butts off at their expressions."

Yoshi's only thought was as he ran for his life, "I should have gone weight training. AAAAAAAH!"

**End of Episode 2**


	3. What happens during Lunch

**What happens during Lunch, Doesn't stay There**

Yoshi had a bad day during English. The class period ended, and he dragged his feet out the door. "Great," he thought, "I got detention after school again for not doing my homework. But, ugh! These assignments suck. Getting chased by basketball players is not as bad as lame English homework. Oh well, gotta face the music…"

"Hey! Yoshi! Wait up!"

Yoshi turns and sees his friend Toad running up to him. "Why so sad, dude? It's lunchtime, and I hear they're serving melons again. Don't tell me you got detention for the third time this week?"

Yoshi sighs. "Yep, by the same teacher."

"You teacher may be strict, but I know she is a nice person. Just do your homework."

"Is not that I don't like her, Toad. I just hate the class and work."

"Oh, come on, Yosh. Let's eat and be merry. Why be depressed when you are not in detention yet? Enjoy lunch now, and then battle though detention."

Yoshi cheers up a little. "You're right. Besides, we're building rockets after lunch, and friends I got from History said we're watching a movie. Let's go eat."

Yoshi and Toad stood in line, and waited for their turn. "Let's see," thought Yoshi, "A melon, a papaya, mixed fruit. Oh, that hamburger looks tasty! Some bean burritos. I love beans." He kept piling food on his plate, but the lunch lady noticed and scolded him.

"Hey! You can't eat all that! Put some back!"

Yoshi pouted and placed one burrito back. As he was about put another thing back, Boshi reached behind the counter and grabbed a delicious Yoshi cookie and Made a run for it. The lunch lady saw and chased Boshi.

"Come back here, you rebel!" Yoshi innocently took back the burrito he previously returned and left. He went over to the table Toad sat on, and placed his plate there. Toad asked him as he sat on the bench, "Are you sure you'll hang, eating all that? Papaya, whole milk, and 3 bean burritos made with fresh refried beans will show you no mercy with their gassy after effects."

"Don't tell me you also want me to take back the extra food I served myself?"

"No but…" Toad chuckled. "I saw all that, you sneaky fatso! Then again, yoshis eat a lot."

"I gotta thank this stomach of mine. Grub time!" After eating and hanging out a bit, the bell for the next period rang. They joked along the way and reached their next class.

As the students settle down on their seats, the teacher passes out old manila folders, masking tape, PVC pipes, scissors, and the design for the rocket. Yoshi starts to cut out the pattern, while Toad blankly stares at the materials and tools.

"Yosh, I was expecting to make a real rocket. You know out of metal and stuff."

"You can always go to the University of Goom for that. Soldering will never be allowed here because of reckless and stupid kids these days."

After he finished uttering the last syllable, a loud grumble from his stomach echoed in the room, which made the teacher look back toward Yoshi's location. He didn't watch where he was going and stepped on a doogan's foot. This student yelped and accidentally flung the pipe at a computer screen and shattered the glass.

"I just noticed that, despite being an Advanced Technology class, we still have old school devices."

"Blame them budget cuts, Yosh."

One class time later, the bell rang once more. Toad waved goodbye as he left for Science. Yoshi waved back. Suddenly, his stomach started churning wildly. He grabbed his abdomen, and slowly walked to History class. He sat in his seat near the door, and waited for class to start. A stoic, female, violet yoshi sat next to him. Her stare penetrated through anyone who happens to look back at her. But Yoshi didn't care; his stomach was teasing him from the inside, just waiting for the opportunity to embarrass him.

Ms. Blacksmith, an elderly goomba, put a documentary on ancient civilizations of the Mushroom World. As the other videos played in the past, it was boring. There were certain quotes that worsened Yoshi's belly pains.

"…_and the sharp blade let them rip though the forest…"_

"_A bath in the springs was more relaxing due to bubbling gases…"_

"_Professor Kolorado, what were these devices used for? Kolorado: According to ancient manuscripts, to cut cheese."_

"_I, Russ T., have studied the ancient Shyguy language, and I must say, they are quite the poets. Hear this ancient ballad: Your love is key to releasing the great force within me…"_

Yoshi kept getting more and more tense, feeling whatever he heard teasing his predicament. Ms. Blacksmith saw Yoshi edgy and grimacing. She walked over and tapped his right shoulder.

"Everything fine?"

Yoshi jolts in astonishment and releases a fart that resonated inside the classroom.

**POOOOOT!**

The entire class burst out laughing. The violet yoshi glared at him, displeased. Yoshi slowly stared back, blushing embarrassment; then he told Ms. Blacksmith, "I need to go to the nurse," and dashed out.

He stopped in front of the bathrooms and notices his stomach feels better. He sighs in relief and decides to head back to class. A green yoshi, who was similar in appearance to him, walked by into the boys' room. A security guard places his hand on Yoshi's shoulder.

"Ditching again, aren't we?"

"I was not ditching!"

"Oh really? Where's the hall pass?"

Yoshi though, "Oh, crap." The security walked him over to the detention room. "What can make this worse?" thought Yoshi while he hung his head in disappointment. He looks up and sees Boshi glaring back. "Long time no see, dude," rumbled Boshi.

Yoshi's lips quivers, since the guard left, and the detention monitor left to get her paperwork from the main office. "I'm makin' you pay for hitting my 'Little Me' zone last episode."

Yoshi thinks as Boshi's shadow covers him, "I wonder when the author will stop giving me cheap endings." Yoshi closes his eyes as Boshi is about to give him the first punch.

**End of Episode 3**


	4. The Second Mouse got the Cheese

**The Second Mouse got the Cheese**

_Yoshi is happily running along the hot street, years ago when he was in kindergarten. "Yay! Juelly Beans!" He licked his lips, and wanted to gobble up his candy. So, he excitedly open the bag… but tore it open and all the jelly beans fell on the muddy ground. A swarm of wigglers walked by and ate all of the soiled sweets. They mocked him as they left; Yoshi's lower lip quivered and his eyes became watery…_

_Fast forward a couple of years…_

_Yoshi was sitting in the cafeteria sometime during his 5__th__ grade year. "Ha, ha! I stole your Yoshi cookie!" boasted Boshi. He started munching it but was careless to leave his cookie unguarded. Yoshi snatched it and licked it all over. _

"_That's nasty, yo!" exclaimed Boshi. _

"_What now, son?" taunted Yoshi, just as his hand got smacked._

"_Oops! My hand slipped!" stated Roy Koopa, the 6__th__ grade bully. _

_The cookie flies in the air and Yoshi tries to catch it with his long tongue. It lands in the trash can, and everyone in Yoshi's table laughs. "Guess no cookie for you, doofus," said Boshi smugly._

_Again, another couple years pass…_

_Boshi has Yoshi cornered in Yellow's house. Yoshi has his back to the wall, and has no idea what to do. Then, he does the unthi…_

_Yoshi: Hey, author! Yeah, I'm talking to you, Ed!_

_Eduardo: What is it, Yoshi?_

_Yoshi: We already covered this showdown in a previous episode! How do you expect people to read your stuff if all you do is repeat the same thing over and over?_

_Ed: Calm down, dude! It's only a recap!_

_Yoshi: [Scoffs] Yeah; it's only your lame excuse for not having anything fresh to write about! Even Boshi here agrees with me._

_Boshi: Ed, dude, he's right. It's fun to kick the snot out of Yoshi, but this is getting old as…_

_Ed: Fine, Fine! No need for profanity now! I hate it when you guys do this to me! Since when do actors get to improvise…? Aaaah! Never mind! Let's get a __**new**__ show on the road, shall we?_

_Yoshi: Sounds like a plan._

_Boshi: I'm still beating you up though._

_Yoshi: WHAT?!_

_Present time…_

"Uh-huh! Oh yeah! One more view for my story," exclaimed Yoshi, "And a review to match too! Yes! To celebrate, I'll…"

"Yoshi, come over here. Dinner's ready." Yoshi sniff the air.

"Achoo! Black, you know I hate eating peppers! It messes up my stomach and when I go to the bathroom,…"

"No need for details, man. If you don't want it, there's leftover chicken from yesterday."

Yoshi sighs. "Well, beggars aren't choosers."

Yoshi leaves his room and goes to the kitchen. "My cousins sure keep their kitchen modernized and stuff," he thought.

He opens the fridge and spots the Tupperware where the chicken was stored in. He sets the microwave timer, and pushes the 'start' button, just as Yellow walks in.

"Hey Yellow. Can you watch the food while I check up on my views?"

"Totally. Like, I am sooo on it."

He shudders as he leaves. He goes back to his computer and looks at his story stats.

"Oh boy! Another view!"

He is completely immersed in his profile, that he became startled when he heard his cell phone ring from another room.

"Ah! My phone! Why did I leave it charging in the living room?"

In record time, he reaches his phone; Mario was calling.

"Eh Yoshi, it's-a me, Mario! Bowser has-a caught-a Princess Peach! Let's-a go rescue her!"

"NO! I'm still mad at you for giving my mom's volcanic vase to Kolorado. And he still hasn't returned from his trip. So forget it, you jerk!"

Yoshi hangs up and returns to his room. He sits at his desk and sighs in frustration. He contemplates on what just happened, and feels guilty.

"What did I just do? My best friend asks for help and I respond worse than Fawful with fury! I better eat first. I'll think better on a full stomach. Then, I'll call and apologize."

Determined to make amends, he strolls to the kitchen table. Yellow looks up at him, and asks, "So, how was the chicken?"

"What are you saying, Yellow? I haven't had a bite."

Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. "But, when I like, saw you walk by twice, I thought for sure you totally got a piece. I like so totally ate everything." Next to her was a plastic plate full of bones.

"No. No, NO! Yellow, why, WHY? I am hungry, all the restaurants are closed today, and there is nothing to do in the fridge."

"There's still the curry I made," interjected Black.

"Shut up! You know what'll happen if I eat that!"

"Well then, starve," responded Black.

"Yoshi, like, I am sooo sorry. Like, I totally am," said Yellow.

Yoshi storms out of the kitchen and into his room. "I'm still hungry. That stupid Eduardo! All I asked for nicely was to get a good ending. But do I get it? Nooooo."

He gets quiet… "Ed, I know you're there. Are you listening to me? ED!"

**End of Episode 4**


End file.
